Don't want to be like this person anymore

http://dallas.craigslist.org/ndf/mis/1669678038.html
"Your first love or return love or "soulmate" whatever-- is BS. If it were perfect, if you were meant to be-- you would be. period. This silver lining romantic wanna be bullshit -being in love with a non relationship-being infatuated with "what couldve been, " loving a ghost of what was--- makes it easier for you to just fuck around and excuse the crap that you will likely pull with the next girl. The next girl who will probably try to prove to you she is so worth it and you will just hurt her. You will waste her time because you wanna brood in fairy land with unicorns. What it all comes down to - is you are an assclown. An assclown who is in love with the game of what you cant have. Because if your true love came tomrorow-and said buddy im here to stay-- you would be bored in 6 months. You love the chase, the game. I am not trying to down play your fantastical notion of teenage yearning--but Romeo and Juliet die at the end of the play. It's very glamorous when you are 15-- but you are not. Grow up, put your big boy undies on, and realize that things dont work out because they didnt work in the first place. Im not trying to be mean- weve all been there. But you gotta smarter than your ideas. Move on. Stop ignoring your life, stop pining for lost things, and stop trying to make imperfect things perfect. It doesnt work. Sorry to burst your barbie bubble."

Spoooooky

The rat bastard was interested in psychics and supernatural phenomena. Someone, heck not just someone, it was his paramour (although I didn't know it at the time) told him about a specific psychic who plies her trade at the annual Renaissance Faire in Waxahatchie, so off we went to the Faire. He had his reading which was taped for later review. He was very close-mouthed regarding what she said and for some odd reason the tape was garbled so we couldn't listen to it.

I guess I would classify myself as a skeptic and a paranoid when it comes to the occult. I'm not sure I believe it in but at the same time I don't think it's a good idea to mess around with it either. I also know there are many, many people who use their so-called psychic abilities to hoodwink the unsuspecting and gullible. With that being said, do I reconcile what was told to me during the one tarot reading I've ever had as coincidence, self-fulfilling prophesy or as a flat out psychic prediction?

*I don't know if it's still going on at this time, but around July of 2007 the rat bastard found out about a monthly psychic fair held in a convention room at a hotel off one of the interstates in Dallas. It might have been an odd choice for a family outing when one weekend we decided to take my daughter and her family along to the fair, although that's neither here nor there. Just before entering the convention room there was a registration table set up with a huge whiteboard behind with the names of the various psychics and readers and a scheduling grid beside each name. You decided what you wanted then picked a person and a time slot that was empty and paid your fee. It seems like it was $15.00 per transaction but I don't recollect, maybe it was just $5.00.

I forget what the rat bastard signed up for but both my daughter and son-in-law had their palms read and my grandson was interested in the pretty rocks (crystals) for sale. I decided to have a tarot reading done. The lady I chose, whose name I think was Eli, looked normal, by that I mean she wasn't dressed in scarves and bells and voluminous skirts. I don't recall many of the specifics of the process except after a general greeting she had me split the cards before she laid them out. The only card I remember being on the table was the hanged man and I believe he was inverted but I'm not sure.

She told me that by the end of the year I would be facing a huge crisis. She saw a strong person helping me through the crisis. She said when she'd drawn the same cards her strong person was, literally, her attorney who helped her through some IRS problems. She said I would be surrounded by and have the support of family and friends and at the end they would all be proud of me and I would come out of it all okay. She had more to say and gave me a time frame for it all, but I've forgotten it all, too.

I thought...well, okay, that was interesting if nothing else, and tucked it away. I couldn't see a looming crisis on the horizon. Everything was going well, we had no money problems and the rat bastard and I were getting along better than we ever had. Little did I know...

In October of that same year things started not adding up. I became suspicious and did a little spying on the rat bastard that turned up some information that could either be benign or could mean exactly what it turned out to be, he was schtupping his secretary. Thus began my crisis.

So, was the reading a genuine prediction? Did it merely make me suspicious enough to keep my eyes open for trouble on a subconscious level? Was it woman's intuition or was the rat bastard careless because he wanted to get caught? Or was it all an ironic coincidence?

Whatever....it's an oddity.

* I checked, it's still there. Dallas Psychic Fair

I really like Facebook but I'm thinking I need to make another FB profile and add only those who don't play all those damned games. I'm tired of wading thru the farmyard muck to read what's going on with everybody.

Good God, people, get a grip.

Notice I wasn't brave or mean enough to post this on Facebook....

Before I tell this story I want to say I am not insensitive to people with challenges in life. Maybe I shouldn't laugh but it's an amusing story.

My daughter's neice by marriage is a hairdresser in Oklahoma. One of her clients has a son with autism who lives on his own with his parents checking in on him 2 or 3 times a week.
He called home one day telling his mom she needed to come over because he'd trapped a troll in his closet. Mom had just been there and was planning to go again in a day or two so she put him off. Again, the son called with pleas for them to please come over and take care of the troll problem. He was so adament about catching a troll that they decided they'd better go earlier than planned to see what was wrong. Upon entering the house they heard noises coming from the closet. When they opened the door out popped a very angry little person. Apparently, the son had been visited by a Jehovah's Witness who happened to be of small stature. It's a good thing they didn't wait longer. I imagine, besides being very angry, the little person must have been pretty hungry and thirsty too.

Angel Flight - Radney Foster

I'm gonna make my blog private. I'll be happy to add anyone who wants to be added to the read list. My email address is on my profile.

There's no place like home...

See you next week.

blah blah yadda blah

Yesterday it would have been 33 years. I've been doing so much better but I still have a hard time wrapping my head around his leaving. Most days I'm okay and then I hit a milestone and it sucks me in again. I used to think if I just knew WHY I could move on more easily, but that's not true. It doesn't ever get easier, you just learn how to cope with it more efficiently. I'm more angry now than anything. How dare he use up the best years of my life then leave me! What kind of prick can look you in the eye and make you believe he loves you when at the same time he's cheating on you?! How can 31 years with someone matter so little..All that time I lost makes me sick.

He was just a sad imitation of the person I thought he was.

I was such a mouse during my marriage. I let myself depend on him totally. He fostered my dependence too, the fucker. I am angry at myself for not seeing through him and for not claiming more independence. I'm not what you'd call outgoing now, but I'm learning to take care of myself.

Maybe that's the lesson I'm supposed to learn in this lifetime.

This from my daughter on Facebook..

"So I told Ethan he needed to watch his social studies grade or it was going to come down to a B and he said I hate social studies, why do we have to study it?(they are studying Texas history) I said because if we don't learn from it we may repeat it! Ethan says How mom, it's not like Davy Crockett is going to come back from the dead! It made me laugh!"

Major Astro

This brings back memories. Major Astro aka Tom Leahy hosted an after school tv show out of Wichita, Kansas featuring cartoons like Astro Boy and Felix the Cat and shows like Superman and The Lone Ranger. I thought he was a real astronaut until my dad, who called him Major Asshole, told me otherwise.

I am sure Major Astro had counterparts in locales throughout the U.S. who hosted similar children's programming. I tried to find a clip of the Major in action but could only find the video above. Tom Leahy also played "The Host" character for the late night horror show.

I wish I could go back then and pay closer attention to making memories for the here and now. I sort of ache for the old daily routine of Major Astro, Perry Mason, then sitting around the table for a family meal each night. I would even go back to the frustration I felt when my dad tried to help me learn how to do long division, just to see my dad again in his prime.

It's too bad we can't play back memories as if they were on tape. I was a lucky kid.

Come on spring!

These photos were taken during the summer of 2007 along FM 730 between Weatherford and Azle. I had lived in Texas before, but I'd lived up in the Panhandle so I'd never seen the glory of Texas bluebonnets until I moved to this part of Texas. It was a sea of blue. You couldn't tell the horizon from the sky. It was absolutely, stunningly beautiful and I haven't seen a repeat performance since...maybe this year?

EDIT: According to this website, it's going to be a bumper year!
I looked up where to buy native Texas plants and the only nursry that came up is practically in my own back yard. And they have bluebonnets!

Brought to you by the letter S

When I was 25 I thought I was the shit.

I wish I could go back there and bring that attitude back here.

Being the shit at 51 might make me one of those women who act and dress inappropriately for their age, though.

But if I was the shit, I wouldn't give a shit.