BRRRR

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for the New Year!

credit

Han kan spise knekkebrød i sengen min når som helst.

He's so pretty and he appears not to have aged much at all since he first appeared in the U.S. around 1984 with the Norwegian group, A-ha. One wouldn't know he is 50!! years!! old!! by looking at him. I either want to know the name of his cosmetic surgeon or the location of his fountain of youth. (and his home address)

I want to be a bitch when I grow up.

I hate confrontations but it looks as though I have one brewing. As far as I know, I have done everything according to the lease agreement I signed when I moved into my previous rental home. There was never one late payment. I took care of the place as if it were my own. I gave written notice when I planned to move out along with my new contact information, but I have made phone calls (had to leave voice mail) and sent emails asking when I might expect the return of my deposits and have received no reply and no refund. These were church people too, the house belonged to a church. Their reaction, or lack thereof, is mighty Christian, wouldn't you say?
I am so angry, not only for their greed and lack of respect, but for other reasons I don't want to go into here, but suffice it to say, I don't have spare money lying around. Apparently I am about to become acquainted with the JOP court.

I need

good ideas for a Chinese gift exchange---there's a $20 limit. Anybody?

I'm youtubing today. This artist and this song take me way back. There's something about a poet and a love song, especially when they're packaged the way they were in Cat Stevens.

The Heart of the Matter

I would have to say The Eagles are my all time favorite group. I love their lyrics, I love their melodies, and I love their harmonies. For every facet of my life there has been a corresponding Eagles song. This is one of my favorites.


I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Accounting-free Friday

I got four A's, but I am proudest of the B I got in accounting. I worked harder for that class than I did for all the others combined. I hated every minute of it because I have no interest in numbers and keeping track of them. My brain does not work that way on purpose. But, YAY! it's over and I got a B! I won't know what to do with the free time I am going to have now that I don't have to spend 10-12 hours a week deciphering accounting lingo.

Maybe I will get a painting going. Long ago and far away in a land of make believe I was an art major. I hope it's not true that you lose it if you don't use it because I have used it very little for several years.

I wish I were a person who loves the holidays. I think, until I can make new memories, I am just going to try and ignore them.

My friend and landlady is trying to get me to go to church with her and she's trying to entice me with men. Last Sunday she saw a hunk going into the singles Sunday school class. Was that you, Chup?

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Is it really necessary to title these things?

I'm supposed to go see New Moon this evening with my daughter but I won't be surprised if she backs out because she'll be leaving the newborn at home with daddy for the first time.

He's capable of taking good care of him but she'll have separation anxiety.

I am not one of those cuckoo Twilight mommies, or in my case maybe granny is more appropriate.I read the books and I am interested in seeing how they handled the special effects.

That's not to say I won't appreciate the beauty of the yoots in the film.

And the popcorn.

With lots of butter that's not really butter.

My accounting teacher scheduled an exam AND the final on the same day. I think she's a sadist. If I understand correctly, the final is optional, but she recommends we take it.

How likely do you think it is that college students will voluntarily take two accounting tests in one day?

Not very damned likely, at least in the case of this non-traditional student.

Hallelujah, it's almost over and praise all that's holy I did not choose to major in accounting.

I may not end up with all A's this semester.

A friend of mine lost her husband to cancer last week. He was only 48. She's not doing so well,
asone might imagine. Even though the circumstances are different, I feel like she's going to go through a lot of the same things I went through when my marriage ended. I'd like to think I can help, although I don't know how.

I should be working that bloody study guide for that blasted exam.

WOO HOO, only 3 more classes to take until I graduate in May.

I will be starting the job hunt in earnest soon.

We all have notions of how we think people perceive us based on our own self-perceptions. Sometimes we find out what people REALLY think, good or bad, but most of the time we have no clue until a person actually tells us. I was pleasantly surprised and completely baffled this week when a classmate I'm loosely acquainted with told me what she thought of me. I have never seen myself that way. Life is full of surprises.

I got this in email, thanks G. This little guy already has a redneck country singing stage presense. Cute.

I stole this from the hospital's website. Jackson has a criminal granny.

Two words..

in regards to the move - - - Murphy's Law. I am waiting on the third visit from the plumber. The heating wasn't working. The cable box still doesn't work, but the cable from wall to tv works. My dog is now not the only 4 legged creature living with me. I don't see the others but I see evidence of their nocturnal visits. It'll get better.

Thanksgiving was very nice but low-key. My parents traveled down from Kansas for the holiday, and, most importantly, to see their new great-grandson. They are on their way back home right now.

Jackson had a bout with jaundice which required staying under a bili-light for about 24 hours before his bilirubin levels went down. He has his days mixed up with his nights. I am going to post a photo of him as soon as my daughter downloads her camera to her computer. (I never replaced my own camera after the burglary)

I am thankful my semester of accounting is about to come to an end. Hallelujah.

I am ready for some normalcy, but that's not going to happen until I have time to unpack more than the essentials and get rid of these boxes. The problem with normalcy and me is that what equates normal seems to change with the wind.

Jackson Ryder was born at 5:43 pm Friday, Nov. 20. He weighed in at 9lbs. 3oz. and was 21 inches long. He looks like he's already a month old! Poor little mite broke his clavicle trying to be born, his shoulders were too wide to get through. He's okay! Thank goodness they didn't wait the 2 extra weeks til his due date. He's got lots of hair and his Mama's stubborn streak. He's absolutely beautiful. I'll post a picture later.

Grandma part two

Moved yesterday. Exhausted. Cable/internet/phone already hooked up but missed class tonight because the cable guy wasn't here when they said he'd be here. OK I could have made the second class if I'd really wanted to. The cable doesn't work! The guy told me it's because I need a new tv. I think he's full of caca because I tried another little tv and it doesn't work either.

My poor dog is totally confused. She doesn't realize this is home yet.

I can't figure out how to turn the heater on.

It sounds like my new grandson will be here this week. Although my daughter is not due until Dec. 2, the doctor says the baby is weighing in at 8 lbs. already. The tests for gestational diabetes have been negative but the doctor is still concerned that it might be the reason the baby is so big already. My daughter goes into the hospital on Thursday and will be induced on Friday morning.

Whiskers on kittens, tra la la.

I move this weekend and I cannot wait to get back to Weatherford! A wise person told me the choices I made during my crisis reflected what I felt about myself at the time. I think there was something to that. I didn't feel so good about myself and I hid myself away in a bad place. That's not to say that there aren't good and decent people in this neighborhood, but I have never felt safe here, especially after the house was broken into. I am looking forward to being close to my family and friends. My son in law told me he didn't know why I moved away in the first place. Looking back, I'm not sure why I did it either, but maybe I needed to so that I could be reminded that I still have what is important to me, and to prove to myself that I CAN take care of myself. Now if I could only blink my eyes and have the move over with.

Things are looking up, and it's about damn time.

me me me more me

I'm loadin' 'er up and movin' 'er out next Saturday. Please tell me the forecast doesn't call for rain.

I have discovered this week that I am not all that good at multi-tasking, but I refuse to change my resume to say that I only do well with one task at a time.

I mean, really, I don't know many people who can do homework and pack to move at the same time, so it's not like I am lying.

I just want to remind a certain someone that they offered to buy me lunch once I get moved. I reserve the right to chicken out, but he's not allowed to. And don't get butthurt, it's a woman's perogative to change her mind, after all, besides I'm the queen.

I cannot tell you how very much I detest accounting. My brain does not work well in accounts receivable, notes payable, etc. mode. And to think I was worried about it because it involves numbers. It isn't the numbers I needed to worry about.

My new grandson will be here soon. After admiring Monica's photos of her sweet little guy I am even more anxious to get my hands on Jackson. My son in law says he will NOT be called Jack. What's he gonna do if I slip, denounce me and kick me out? He'd be losing the best damn free baby sitter he ever had. The operative word was "free."

OK, I am relenting...

...but only because I like Fleetwood Mac.

no one tells jenny what to do...

...now you all must suffer acoustically.









that'll teach you to question the queen's taste.

This is making the rounds on facebook and I think it's pretty cool.
It's from a documentary called Playing for Change.
Candle, I think Sentient Grass would approve, even though they all sing better than she does.

My Football Star

Idiot's Guide to Breathing

I think I've found a house to move into! I'm going to move back to Weatherford where I lived before moving to Ft. Worth. I really don't know what I was thinking when I moved here in the first place. I am so looking forward to living close to my friends and more importantly, to my daughter and her family again, especially since we'll have a new little addition to the family in a month or so.

The house belongs to friends of mine whose recent tenant moved out without notice. Perfect timing. Providence? Coincidence? There are drawbacks, namely the drive to classes in Hurst, but I graduate in May so it won't be much longer. It could also mean a commute once I find a job, but maybe maybe please maybe I can find one in Weatherford. All I know is this is the first thing that has felt right in a long time. I can almost breath again.

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield
but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.
Grant that I may not be a coward,
feeling Your mercy in my success alone;
But let me find the the grasp of Your hand in my failure.
- Rabindranath Tagore - 1916

I was looking in my email drafts folder and found where I had saved this poem on 11/5/07. I don't remember where I found it; I probably stole it off someone else's blog. While I find no sin or weakness in turning to friends and allies for strength, the author is right; one must find courage from within. It is so easy to find mercy in success, but so difficult to recognize it in adversity.

I'm not dead, just busy.

No Rest For The Wicked

Does anybody know of any rent houses in Ft. Worth and/or vicinity needing a renter? My landlords have decided to sell the house I am living in. They're fine with me staying here while it's on the market, of course, because they don't want to lose the rent income, but I'm not exactly keen on the idea of having a lock box on the front door and people traipsing in and out of here, possibly casing the joint; especially since I have already been robbed once. I also don't always have time to keep the house in the manner it should be kept for showing. I had planned to move out of this neighborhood once I graduate in May, but I was sure hoping to stay here until then. I'm really, really tired of dodging bullets and would love to relax into my life a little bit. There's always something, isn't there? It could be worse. I could be completely homeless with small children to worry about. I could have a terminal illness along with no health care.I could live in a war-torn country.I could be a Tanzanian Albino. I'm not being flip. I'm trying to will myself out of indulging in self-pity.

FYI

I changed my display name.

Rock-a-bye baby

I'm going to bitch. The neighbors next door have an outside dog. She gets no attention and she is a barker. For the last 3 nights she's barked non stop while sitting right beside my bedroom window. Maybe I handled it wrong, maybe I should have gone over during the day and talked to them, but I couldn't take it anymore. She was barking when I got home from class at 8:00, she was still barking at midnight, so I went over and rang the door bell, of course no one answered. I didn't want to call the authorities. These neighbors have been okay to me and I didn't want to piss them off. When they didn't answer the door I left a note. I was nice but I asked them to do something. I ended up pissing them off anyway. This morning they stuck a note on my mailbox basically telling me I am SOL and blaming the neighborhood cats, the neighbors on the other side of me and people wandering the alleys at night and telling me there's nothing they can do but to go ahead and call the police if I feel the need. I understand an outside dog is going to bark, but this goes beyond protecting their home. Get your lazy asses out of bed and check to see what she's barking at, for crying out loud. I call bullshit and I will not be nice the next time. This is big for me, I don't like confrontation. I can drown out daytime barking but don't freaking mess with my sleep!

Okay, back to being a mild-mannered wuss. I've got to get out of this neighborhood.
Condron.us

3d imaging of my new grandson.

His name is Jackson and he will be here in early December.

All The Single Babies

This is adorable!

Lessons Learned

I have learned several lessons through divorce.

Nobody is indispensable.

When it comes right down to it, no matter how much you trust someone, the only person you can really count on is yourself.

I am stronger than I thought I was.

I am more intelligent than I thought I was.

Having something and losing it is harder than never having it in the first place.

Being poor sucks but it's survivable.

Self-respect isn't much of a comfort when you're lonely in the deep dark night.

But it is important when your wits return in the bright light of day.

Knowing you're right about something is a luxury for those who have comfortable lives but doesn't amount to beans when you're struggling.

Complacency is dangerous to relationships.

Coulda, shoulda, woulda can haunt you.

People do want to help; sometimes those you least expect.

Hard work is gratifying but it's still hard work.

Being bitter only hurts the bitter person, but it's a hard habit to break.

I am worth 10 of her.

But she is less to blame than the person who broke his promise.

I may never know my contribution to the blame.

There really are no guarantees in life, but those aren't words you want to hear spoken by the person most important to you.

Hope is nearly impossible to kill.

But hope has many manifestations.

There are always people worse off than you are and in many ways I am so lucky.

I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggonit, people like me.

A long way from nowhere wishin I was somewhere

I love, love, love Ryan Bingham's music. The sound quality on this video isn't the greatest; the video with the best sound has the embedding disabled. He's got this great raspy voice, kind of like Rod Stewart's, and I find his style unique. He's going to be at Ranch Bash, but, alas, I probably won't get to go.

Ground Control to Major Tom

got nostalgic this morning looked up Harry Nilsson on youtube found this never saw it before don't know if it's original to the song or if someone other than Nilsson put it together looks true to 1971 found it funny here it goes cheers

The preceding sentence was written AFTER I put the lime in the coconut.

Pithy Title

While I am loving the cooler temperatures I find the rain depressing.

I don't have much time to blog anymore. Mucho homework this semester.

How do you know when you're ready to start seeing other people, and when you know, where do you meet them?

My divorce was final a year ago Sept. 4. That's a milestone I never thought I'd hit.

I got lost in Fort Worth yesterday. Thank goodness for GPS because I have no sense of direction.

I wasn't able to attend, but Grandson's team lost yesterday, 0-6, to the number 2 ranked team. I am glad I wasn't there because I may have said something to his coach that I'd regret. For example, "Utilize your talent, dumb shit! Your son can run but he ain't the star you think he is."

It's hard to remember it's just a game when you're a girl with limited knowledge of the game and you know you could do a better job coaching.

Yesterday was only the 1st conference game. There's still hope he'll see the light.

Listen to me sounding like I know what I'm talking about.

I should be starting my internship within the next week or two. I'm askeered.

Someone I know has offered to take me for a ride when his ship comes in.

Yeah, that's where I'm gonna leave it. It sounds a lot more provocative that way.

Hello, It's Me

I saw the light at the end of the tunnel earlier this week. Since then there's been a cave in caused by, what I am guessing to be, the ghost of PMS past.

I have a crazy schedule this semester and I am pretty sure next semester will mirror this one. Night classes suck. Night classes with a B.O.R.I.N.G. professor suck so hard they create a vacuum. ZZZZ I don't think I will be wanting to work for an attorney who does Wills, Trusts and Probate. Naw, never say never. I feel kind of bad for saying that about the guy, he's a really nice man who has to teach dry material.

At least one professor provides eye candy and a deliciously snarky sense of humor.

We're not even going to touch on Accounting class except to say kill me now because it's going to bury me.

I was called a sexy cougar by one of my classmates. I would have thought the term "cougar" was derogatory except that I remembered something a friend said about words and decided to be flattered instead.

I am always amazed at the kindness of people. I've had two encounters this week with virtual strangers that went out of their way to help me and it was very much appreciated, thank you! It's a beautiful thing. One of them is well known in this blog circle and we had a really lovely chat on the phone the other evening....such a sweet voice and such a wise person whose philosophy I would like to try and emulate.

My grandson's first football game is this weekend. I always look forward to them with excitement and a touch of apprehension. The potential for injury is always there. If I'd had a son I probably would have made him a wuss by not letting him participate in tackle football. I'd have said, "Come on son, don't you want to play in the band?" (No offense intended to any former band members.) My daughter actually thought along the same lines as me but was overridden by my son in law who immediately, upon moving back to Texas, indoctrinated my grandson into the state religion called Football. There's nothing like watching the little guy break tackles to run for a touchdown, though. Can I get an Amen?

Are you lookin' at me?

I could listen to this accent all day.

Elemental Truths?

I didn't come up with this but struck me in a sort of ala Oprah aha moment when I read it in a book recently.

According to Wikipedia, the Higgs boson is a massive scalar elementary particle predicted to exist by the Standard Model in particle physics. At present there are no known fundamental scalar particles in nature. The Higgs boson is the only Standard Model particle that has not yet been observed.

A central theme throughout the book The Year of Disappearances is presence and absence and how absence creates a presence all its own. From the book, "Observations of the known suggest the presence of an unknown." An absence can exist as a palpable entity even though it can't be proved to be there.

When a presence seems to have been sucked into a black hole to a perceived oblivion it doesn't cease to exist, it changes form. Absence has a great presence in my life.

Ah heck, I know what I'm trying to say whether it's coming across or not.

Pssst, hey you..yeah you.

My daughter had better follow through on her garage sale plans for next weekend since I have torn my house apart getting ready for it. I should have had a garage sale on my own following my divorce and prior to moving but I didn't have it in me at the time. I ABHOR having garage sales. I'd rather donate it all and be done with it.

My grandson made weight for football by the skin of his teeth. He's thrilled. That is one dedicated little boy. He's eaten nothing but healthy food for two or three weeks to lose weight in order to be able to run with the ball.

This morning I was in the backyard and heard a woman scream, "I told you I dont hate you" and then, "I love you please stop!" I felt like I needed to do something but I couldn't tell where the scream had come from. I do not like this neighborhood. I never feel safe here, especially since my house was broken into. I'm going to try to stick it out through the school year and then find a better place.

Ya'll need to enter this contest, and if you win you must invite me. On the off chance I win there's no way in hell I will have it in my own backyard.

Whose eye is on the sparrow?

I am traumatized! I went out to walk the dog and upon hearing an odd noise looked up. You know those coiled, energy saver lightbulbs? The landlord had stuck one of those in the porchlight and somehow a sparrow had gotten its leg caught between the coils. It was flopping around trying to get loose. There's no telling how long the poor thing had been there but there was blood spattered everywhere. I am a wuss. I went to get the neighbor man to get it down. He wasn't any happier about having to do it than I was but he cowboyed up. The bird was able to fly away.

Mi Perro

This picture of my dog is a couple of years old. I have other photos of her and I can't find where I put them, but this is my favorite because it looks like she's smiling.

Before Scout we had a little pound puppy who lived to be 18 years old. When she died I wanted no more pets. It's inevitable that they will die because of their short life expectancy and I didn't want to go through losing another beloved pet.

Getting another dog was taken out of my hands when my daughter and my ex came through the door holding a little white ball of fur. She looked like a baby polar bear. Almost from the get-go I thought this dog would never have the chance of becoming a "beloved" pet. She was a holy terror/escape artist/bully. I would swear the movie Marley and Me was based on her. The only good thing about her was that she basically house trained herself thanks to the doggy door we installed.

She's still a royal, bad-mannered pain in the butt. Don't stand in an open door because she'll be out the door in an instant to lead you on a merry chase. She still bullies me to give her extra treats. She's a good watch dog but I wouldn't trust her to guard a bloody thing because she doesn't know a stranger. I don't know what I'd do without her. She is beloved in spite of it all.

Sometimes I fear I am turning into one of those people who talk about their pets as if they are their children.

How YOU doin?

Sometimes I want to give in and jump into the thick of an argument, then I step back and think, it just ain't worth it. I always regret when I give into the temptation anyway.

The rain has been nice, the only drawback is the mud tracked in from the backyard by mi perro.

When I was young I used to have very vivid dreams, especially when I was preggo, then they stopped and I missed the nightly entertainment. They're coming back now. Last night's was a doozie.

I'm almost finished reading Songs in Ordinary Time by Mary McGarry Morris. I have mixed feelings about this book. I don't think there is one character in the whole book with more than one redeeming quality and there isn't one with whom I can identify, but there are several I'd like to shake some sense into. I'll be glad to finish it so I can read Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care which my daughter gave me for my birthday last week. I make myself read a book if I've started it whether I am enjoying it or not.

I've spent the last couple of days with my grandson. I hope he always likes being around me as much as he does now. He's excited about football starting soon. I love watching his games while cringing at every tackle. He's worried he won't make weight to be able to carry the ball. In his league they have weight restrictions regarding who is allowed to run the ball. He's a couple of pounds over at the moment with weigh-ins looming.

Not sure how you found me, rr.com, but message received. Blog checked. I liked your earlier work better and you need to post more often.

Hey now, Eric Bana aka Chupacabra

Tall, dark, handsome, need I say more? No, that old cliche just about covers it.

Dancing Queen

What music do you listen to cheer yourself up?

My theme song is Sweet City Woman by the Stampeders, but, and my dorkiness shows by admitting this, I love Abba. Even some of their sad songs sound like they belong in a pep rally.

And so it goes...

I am home. Actually, I have been back in Texas since last Sunday but I spent a few days at my daughter's. The wedding was sort of anti-climactic, which I figured would happen, but I have a bad habit of blowing things out of proportion. I think I am addicted to angst. Well, maybe not addicted, but given my recent history, I just expect the worst. I'm such a ray of sunshine and optimism.

The ex was there sans the homewrecker. (What a chickenshit) I swear he still looks at me like he loves me, it's freaking disconcerting. Turns out Big D aka Leatherneck aka Yoko Ono aka the "C" word didn't want to be there for her grand introduction to the family while I was there. (She's a chickenshit too) His family treated me as they always have. It was nice. I had to leave the reception/dance early because I had to get up early the next morning to go to Wichita to attend a wedding shower for my sister's son and it sounds like I missed out on some craziness.

I feel the hurt I have felt (wallowed in) after being dumped evolving into anger. It's about bloody time. My 78 year old daddy swears he has a fist with the ex's name on it. His anger kicked in long before mine did.

I have a month before school starts again. Too much free time to think.

Off to see the wizard

Leaving tomorrow. See you later, mis amigos.
Maybe I'll return with a brain...

Maybe a stronger person than I would be further on the road to moving on, but if you'd known me a year ago you'd be able to compare where I am now with where I was then, and you would see that I have made slow but steady progress. I'm not making any apologies for having a difficult time dealing with the demise of my marriage. I had every reason to believe the life I knew would carry on as it had for 30 years. I am only a year into building a totally new identity for myself and letting go of who I thought I was is not easy. There have been many times when I have been angry at myself for not moving at a faster pace, but I am doing the best I can.

Miscellaneous and Sundry

The wedding I posted about before is a week and some change away. I hear the ex wants to attend and bring that...woman...but not if I'm going to be there. He says it would be too Jerry Springerish for both his ex-wife and his mistress to be there. I am sort of enjoying putting a kink in the plans for her grand introduction to the extended family. Let them eat cake...

I'm looking forward to spending time with my family back home.

I'm trying to convince my sister that she and I need to do a road trip to Red River, NM over a long weekend just to relax and soak in the mountain air & scent of the pines. I grew up on treeless plains but I get homesick for trees and mountains.

The weather the last two days has been a wonderful reprieve from the stifling heat and humidity we've had of late. I want to move to a place where they have this kind of weather year-round. Barring that, I want to move back to Northwestern New Mexico.

It's all about me Me ME, your humble faux queen

Day before yesterday I came home from walking my dog and couldn't get back in the house. For some reason my key wasn't working. I could hear the lock mechanism tumbling but it wouldn't move the deadbolt. I didn't have my cellphone with me to call anyone. My neighbor managed to get the lock to work about an hour later. It was a miserable time. Kudos to people who can stand to work outside in this heat, there's no way I could manage it on a physical level. I took my phone along on yesterday's walk, but of course the key has worked properly ever since.

(30 minutes after writing the paragraph above)I just got back from today's dog walk. This is a stupid time of day to go but I have school in the morning when it's coolest and this neighborhood scares me after dark, besides the mosquitos are worse then. I am rethinking summer being my favorite season now, at least summers in Texas.

I cannot wait to finish school and enter the workforce. I'm frightened I won't be able to find a job because I have no prior work experience to put on a resume. Is anyone going to hire a soon to be 51 year old without a job history? Also, most want ads I've seen for paralegals normally ask for someone with 2-5 years of legal office experience. I'm hoping the internship I'll do through school this coming school year will help with that. If I was asked to give any advice to young women I'd tell them to get their education, start a career early and never ever trust a man enough to be a stay at home mom. Be your own person and not some man's shadow. I made such stupid mistakes, but I'm working on them.

My summer class ends next week. During the remainder of my summer break I think I will go sit in on some trials.

S.C. Governor Mark Sanford is a pathetic, weak, little man. I haven't seen his news conference but I've heard about it. I hope his adultery was worth ruining his family and career. Too bad all adulterers aren't held up to that kind of scrutiny.

Choose your battles wisely

I was looking at old photos saved on my computer yesterday and came across these eyes. My grandson was about 2 years of age in the photo but those eyes still have the power to melt my resolve 7 1/2 years later. He owns me.
Edit: This photo was taken around the time we were planning a move from the Texas panhandle to New Mexico. My daughter, grandson and soon to be son in law were making the move too, but we neglected to make it clear to my grandson that he was going too because he told his mom he guessed he'd have to find some other family to live with since we were moving. Doesn't that break your heart?

In my college courses I can usually count on, at least, having my age in common with the professor if not with any of my fellow classmates, but that's not the case with the professor of my summer course. This prof. is as cute as a bug's ear and looks like she's about 14 years old, and man, she is an unabashed, agenda pushing, liberal. Sometimes, I think with age comes political wisdom, not that I would consider myself wise, but as one ages I think the idealism of youth is tempered with some practicality.

My daughter and I were discussing road rage and how she struggles with it. She said she'd been talking on the subject with one of her co-workers and he related this story. As he was driving home from work one evening he came upon a slow moving vehicle. The car had its blinker on to turn so he sped up to go around it. The next thing he knew his back windshield was blown out. He thought he'd been shot in the back of the head when shattered glass struck him. When he called the police they said it was probably just some kids with a BB gun. Um, no, the guy found the bullet thingie in his car. Daughter is a nurse at JPS so I am assuming this happened near there. I worry about her in that neighborhood.

If you have ugly monkey toes does polishing your toenails camouflage the ugly or call attention to it?

I just finished Mercy by Jodi Picoult. I love her books. I wish my situation had been resolved the way one of the plotlines in this book was. It's too bad real life can't be tied up in a neat little package of resolved plot scenarios.

Woo hoo, Deryl Dodd fun tomorrow night.

Yeah, and people in hell want ice water...

I was reminded again this morning about the book and dvd set called The Secret. You've probably heard of it, especially since it was touted as the second coming by Oprah about a year and a half ago. I think it's a load of hogwash but I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm saying it doesn't work in the way it's said to work. It certainly worked for its author; he wrote it all down and has made millions. I'm not saying the power of positive thinking doesn't work either. What I am saying is those that want something badly enough are more apt to work hard to get what they want, and that sometimes those people get what they want due to a sense of entitlement and questionable ethics. Just because you want something doesn't mean you deserve it. Yes, there is a back story for the reason I question the veracity of the book and its teachings but I'm not going to tell you right now.

I'm going to go to Weatherford for Golf & Guitars next weekend so I can ogle Deryl Dodd in person.

Interesting tidbit from email

AT 5 MINUTES AND 6 SECONDS AFTER 4 A.M., ON THE 8TH OF JULY, THIS YEAR, THE TIME AND DATE WILL BE: 04:05:06 07-08-09. THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE YEAR 3009!!!

And something pretty to look at.

How cute is this?

The title on this video is "Are Women Born Like This??!!"

A little birdie told me...

...a certain someone finds him hawt.

Dearly Beloved...

I'm invited to the wedding of my ex's nephew in July. We were married for over 31 years so it got to the point where I didn't know where my family stopped and his began, at least while we were married. After we divorced I never heard from any of his family except for one brother. It hurt my feelings but I knew it was awkward for them and they wouldn't know what to say if they did call, so I was a little surprised when I got an invitation. While I was pleased to be included I had to wonder whether they really meant to include me or if it was sent as a courtesy and without any real intention that I would actually attend.

Since I am going to be back home in Kansas at the time of the wedding anyway, and because my daughter will attend the wedding too, I checked yes on the RSVP and sent it back. Then I realized that my ex will likely attend, and wherever he is, the homewrecker won't be far behind. I have never seen them together. A wedding probably isn't the ideal place to meet up with your ex husband and the conniving bitch he left you for. Then I thought, OH! I would finally come face to face with the person who helped rip my life apart, maybe I could do a little ripping of my own. But, alas, ruining someone else's wedding would be a cruel thing to do. Besides, even though she's built like a dwarf she still out weighs me.

Now I've found out he's not going to the wedding, ostensibly because of work obligations, but I think it's really because he found out (more probable that SHE found out) that I am invited and plan to attend. I could renege on my RSVP so he'd feel more comfortable going, after all it is his family, but why should I go out of my way to placate him and Leatherneck? Why do I feel guilty? More importantly, why did I blog this story?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

• I have decided to do the oft used bulleted list because I have never done it before.
• I am a daredevil.
• I gave Scout a bath this morning.
• She does not enjoy being bathed. I thought Labs loved the water.
• The minute I turned her loose after her bath she promptly rolled in the dirt. To her credit she came back to be rinsed again when I called. She's not usually that well mannered.
• She smells worse now than she did before her bath. Wet dog smell = ICK!
• I also mowed the back yard this morning.
• After mowing and bathing the dog I don't smell too pleasant either.
• I don't have class on Fridays.
• This is the most boring post (to borrow Barry's phrase) in the history of ever.

I'm so shallow

My daughter insisted I needed to read the Sookie Stackhouse book series by Charlaine Harris, so on my week and a half break between spring semester ending and summer semester starting I read the last seven books in the series. (I'd already read the first two.) No, I'm not a speed reader, we're not talking War and Peace here; they're very quick reads. It was nice to imbibe in a little light reading after two semesters of text books. While reading, I pictured the Eric character as looking like Vladimir Kulich who played Buliwyf in the 1999 movie The 13th Warrior. Look at him! He's 6'5" of delicious, viking hotness! And, hey, this time I'm not a dirty old lady ogling SYT's because this dude is even older than me.

The HBO series Trueblood is based on these books. I don't have HBO so I went poking around on YouTube to see who they picked to play the Eric part. Okay, so Alexander Skarsgård is nota bad, but I think they should have called me to help cast the show. (Anna Paquin wasn't how I pictured Sookie either.)

My daughter urged me to read the Twilight series too. We're suckers for vampires. nyuk nyuk nyuk. If you think about it, it's really weird how we have romanticized something that wants to suck the life out of us and leave us for dead. (reminds me of my ex-husband) I liked the Stackhouse series better than the Twilight series but not as well as I liked the first few books in Ann Rice's vampire chronicles. I also think The Twilight series author (can't remember her name) might possibly have stolen ideas from Harris. I'd recommend the Stackhouse series for its goofy campiness and I am looking forward to the release of next book in the series.

Remember those who fought and, thankfully, came back home to us, like my nephew, Brett.

Remember those that fought for our freedom and paid the ultimate price.

God bless our military and their families. Thank you isn't enough.

ohmygoshiamstillaliveandposting!

This is a gorgeous song by Colin Hay. I don't know if he still is, but he used to be a member of the Australian group Men Without Hats. You'll have to try to ignore the dj intro; he ain't no Ryan Seacrest...but then, neither is Ryan Seacrest. In fact, maybe you should just listen instead of watching unless you're into weird folk singer girl pseudo-hawaiian/east indian hand movements. If you've ever been to a bluegrass festival in Colorado you've seen a lot of that.

I love music. I should have been born with musical talent instead of such stunning beauty. (I can say anything here, you don't know what I look like.)

CHEATING BASTARD

We are NOT amused. Excuse me while I rant.

I've always kinda liked Mel Gibson, especially from his early days. I liked his cocky, jokey attitude and he was pretty cute. When he was arrested for DUI and made anti-semetic remarks I wasn't quick to condemn because I know how the media can skew a story to make it more controversial, and especially when I felt they were out to get him because of his political views.

I find him totally repugnant now for the same reason I can't stand Brad Pitt anymore. If you're not happy in your marriage, get the bloody hell out before you cheat. Why would you hurt someone you used to love, even if you are no longer in love with them, by cheating. ESPECIALLY when that person has stuck by you through so many years and numerous fuckups.

Maybe I assume too much, but old Mel didn't waste any time dragging the reason for his wife's divorce into the limelight. To me, this shows exactly what kind of character he has. So much for all the hype about what a good Catholic and family man he was. I don't care what kind of marital problems they had, there's no excuse for cheating.

Queen Mum

I found out this weekend that my lovely daughter is going to make me grandma for the second time...so say 3 over the counter pregnancy tests, anyway. I can't wait!

A usurper to the crown

I came home from my classes on Wednesday, Mar. 25, to see my dog running from the front porch to the side of the house where she was trying to get into the back yard. I never leave my dog outside when I leave the house, so I knew immediately that someone had broken in. The front door was open and on the entry-way floor there was a pile of lunch meat that the burglar had used to lure my dog outside.

On my way through the house (which was probably a stupid thing to do) to get the phone to call the police, I saw they'd gained entrance to the house by kicking in the back door. They'd had to jump a padlocked fence to do it. Ironically, it was totally unnecessary to kick the door in because if they'd broken only one pane of glass they could have reached in to unlock the door.

The police told me to wait outside so I leashed my dog and put her in the car and stood outside until they arrived. They went through the house to secure it before calling me in to ask me what was missing. One officer filled out the report, one questioned neighbors and one stayed with me as I tried to figure out what they'd taken. My desktop computer was pulled out and some of the cables were unhooked but the only piece they took was the monitor. Several other things were moved from where I kept them and stacked up, I assume they were going to be taken. After it was all said and done, we found out one of my neighbors must have scared them off before they could take all they'd planned to take. Dresser drawers were open and clothing was strewn about my bedroom. They found and took the pouch of my grandmother's costume jewelry I received as a keepsake when my grandma died. It had no real value except sentimental but out of everything they got away with, that's what bothers me the most because it can't be replaced.
Mainly, they took electronics and replacement value is probably around $2,200. I am glad I have renter's insurance but they sure do make you jump through hoops to make a claim.

When you don't have a lot, $2,200 is a lot. Quite honestly, a robbery in this neighborhood is not a surprise. I moved here last summer while in the process of ending a very long marriage. It was sort of a mid-way point between my daughter in Weatherford and the school I am attending.
You do what you gotta do to get through and with the available resources at hand. It's not a house like I was used to living in nor does it resemble any kind of neighborhood I've ever lived in, but it's what I could afford. I don't like it here and I resent like hell the reasons that put me here.

The police didn't take any finger prints. In a neighborhood like this they probably don't. I'm sure it's an everyday occurrence and they don't have the man power to try to run down every perpetrator. I'm equally as sure that if this had happened in a better neighborhood, such as the neighborhood I used to live in, more care would have been taken. Two neighbors saw a car back into my drive-way. One of them was able to give a half-assed description of the car and one suspect, but she didn't get a license plate number. Neither one called the police.

Oddly enough, I wasn't scared at first. I had too much adrenaline coursing through my veins and I may have been in shock. I didn't leave the house for 3 days while I was waiting on the landlord to replace the back door. During those 3 days I became afraid to leave, not because of my "things" but because I worried they'd come back to finish the job and this time they'd hurt my dog. The events of the last year and a half have changed my life so drastically. I have such rage. Rage at the person who went through my house, touching my things, violating my space, and rage at my ex-husband's cheating ass for putting me in this position in the first place. Seriously, how much can a person take before they break?

Apparently, a lot. I am stronger than I thought, but bloody hell, I don't want to be tried anymore.

At least my dog is okay, traumatized but okay.

Sure & Begora

They're always after me lucky charms.
Happy St. Paddy's Day, ya'll.

Stay Tuned

for station identification. They don't say that anymore do they?

I've been busy with matters of state. You know, ribbon cuttings, polo matches, parades, polishing my crown...

Tonight I felt like ogling Kyle Chandler from Friday Night Lights.

He's cute in a boy next door kinda way, not that I've ever had much experience with neighbors...palaces don't lend themselves well to them...but if they did, I'd sneak through the hedgerow for this one.

credit

Civil Litigation test tomorrow-Business Law I test on Tuesday-Business and Professional Communication quiz on Tuesday. Someone make me study.

My Favorite Drama Queen

I was not going to get sucked in this season of American Idol, but, God forgive me, I did. I blame it on the fact that I only have basic cable which severely limits my choices in television viewing. I don't have any stand out favorites. I like the little blond-haired girl who made it through last week because I didn't expect all that soul from such a little white girl but I don't remember her name. Danny Gokey sings well but I hate the way he and the producers are exploiting his wife's death. But, I am absolutely gobsmacked that we will see no more of poor little Tatiana. She may have been the sole reason I got sucked in. She's a train wreck and I'm a rubbernecker.

I have a theory about Simon Cowell. Have you ever noticed how small his hands are? He's got dainty, lady hands. I guess we know what he's over-compensating for, don't we, ladies and gentlemen?

Heavy Sarcasm

I used to have another blog in a previous incarnation where I wrote more of the daily anecdotal type of thing. I kind of miss it. Sometimes the life of a Queen can be so restricting.

Q o' H <3 QB T.B.

Dear Cowboys,

Don't hate me because he's beautiful.

Sincerely,

YM




Tom Brady

Bah Humbug

credit

As a self-proclaimed Queen of Hearts one might think St. Valentine's Day would be my favorite holiday. Notasomuch.

Happy Singles Awareness Day

I did take down most of what I said earlier. TMI

Blimey!

If I saw Simon Baker (of The Mentalist) in the flesh I fear I would lose my patrician demeanor and ask him upstairs to see my etchings.
nekkid photo found here

The Q of H

the real me

It's been one of those WTF days and it aint over yet

I saw someone with a vanity license plate that said "PHLEGM." What kind of person feels defined by that word? I didn't get a look at the driver when I went around him/her.

I was walking my dog when this guy pulls up beside me and asks me what kind of perfume I wear. Unsettling.

I read the chapter, did the study exercises and aced an online practice test so why the hell did I do so poorly on the test. We went over the quiz in class and I swear I had a different test than the one everyone else took. My GPA could suffer from the class if I don't get a handle on it.

Tim Minchin

This is a 9 minute beat poem by Tim Minchin, Australian comedian, actor and musician best know for his musical comedy. I like poetry. I like music. I like wit. I like this guy. There is language that is not suitable for work.


photo credit Simon Hepworth

Hare Krishna

If there is ever a movie made about the life of everybody's favorite local cult leader he should be played by Gary Sinise. I came to this conclusion after seeing the twitter photo of the person in question.

Candy for Gator

Josh Holloway is a tasty morsel. I have missed out by not watching Lost.

He's fit to be a Lord of the Chamber.

(Is there such an office? If there's not there should be.)

The Princess and the Pea

I don't know what is worse, sleeping like a log only to wake up feeling like you've just gone to bed or tossing and turning all night and waking up every hour on the hour to look at the clock to see how much longer you can "sleep." There isn't a happy medium.

Partie trois de chasse à Fox

The object of my majestic desire and affections today is Texas country singer, Deryl Dodd.


Only a state the size of Texas could produce this much hotness. Not only is he a handsome devil and a talented singer/songwriter, but, from my limited experience, he seems like a genuinely nice guy.


Standing next to him would be as close as I'll ever get to Double D's.

EDIT: I have decided that Deryl Dodd and John Corbett were separated at birth and they either have an older brother or an uncle in Chevy Chase.

Prince Albert is in the can

← My next husband
credit: image from allposters.com

Fox Hunt Numero Dos

Today's fox hunt quarry is Ty Pennington.
He's hot as long as I don't have to hear him shouting, "GOOD MORNING SUCH AND SUCH FAMILY!" cuz his shouting voice grates on my last aristocratic nerve. I would have to gag him, or silence him with a stern royal glare but it would be worth the effort because I hear he's good with his tool(s).

Fox Hunt-Numero Uno

In keeping with Bubear's Random Thoughts Girls I have decided turn about is fair play. We girls need our own version of mindless ogling so I am initiating one entitled Fox Hunt.

Since I am playing a British monarch on the internet it is only fitting that the inaugural post include a "fellow" Brit. Here we have the multi-talented, precocious, randy-dandy, British comedian Russell Brand.

You might have seen him in the movies Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Bedtime Stories.

He's luverly, I am thinking of bestowing knighthood upon him.

You can hear him sing a song from Forgetting Sarah Marshall at number 5 on my playlist below.

Royal Musing

I could get used to this.

*Sigh*

To be honest, I don't think any one of the 5 or 6 people who have looked at my blog believed I was the queen.

Off with their heads!

Disclaimer

As difficult as it may be to believe, I am not, in actuality, the queen.

But I might be Helen Mirren.

Shall we explore my psychosis?

Test, test, testing, testees, check.

Well, hellooo.