There are things about my life I'd change if I could do it over. I figure, since we can't change the past we can pick and choose what we'd do differently if we could. I wouldn't trade being my daughter's mother and grandmother to her children for anything. I wouldn't have married her father if I'd known then what I know now about how things would end up. See, we kinda got the cart before the horse. We were engaged to be married in May but married 2 months earlier than planned because she was on the way. I could have had her without him, but in that day and age, in that small town, and with the parents we had, the thing to do was to get married. I loved him, I still love the person I thought he was, but if given a do over, even though there were many good memories made along the way, I wouldn't marry him. I lost a lot, my life is completely different than it used to be. I didn't just lose a husband.
The fact is, even if I could change the past there would have been other trials and obstacles. In many ways, I was lucky in my divorce. I didn't have small children I'd have been obligated by law to share with the other woman by way of enforced visitation with their father, and at least he was man enough to help me for a couple of years so I could get through school and be able to provide for myself because heaven knows the good ol' boy state of Texas isn't exactly keen on spousal support.
I've lived the better part of the last 3 years with "what ifs." It's futile. It's time to look foward.
2 comments:
Wise words. When I'm done with my pity party I'll try to heed them.
It's not a pity party, it's a wits gathering mission.
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