According to the Divorce Care materials, a person should stay single 1 year for every 4 years they were married. If I were to follow through with their guidelines, I'd start dating right around the time I go into a nursing home.
But I understand where they're coming from. So many people jump right back into the game before resolving their issues from the previous relationship. I know one person who has been married 9 times, and another who has been married 5 times.
Statistics for divorce in remarriage are higher than for first marriages. The only specific stat I remember was for fourth marriages which they say end 93% of the time. The stats rose with each subsequent remarriage. (of course)
If a person is still hoping or fantasizing about reconciling with an ex-spouse, they're not ready to see other people.
They stress that divorce care is not a place to hook up; that a relationship is only as healthy as the two people in it. If you're basing your budding friendship on shared experiences, chances are you will find out later on that that was all you had in common. Makes sense.
If and when it happens for me, I don't even want to be thinking about what I lost, and I sure don't want every conversation to be about what we went through.
4 comments:
Damn 9 times, would that be Mickey Rooney or Liz Taylor? Can not see myself getting married again. Never been through a divorce but have some family that have and its never a good thing. Sounds like you are well on your way to moving on and I am sure the path a head will work out for the best. Enjoy yourself and good things will happen.
"They stress that divorce care is not a place to hook up; that a relationship is only as healthy as the two people in it. If you're basing your budding friendship on shared experiences, chances are you will find out later on that that was all you had in common. Makes sense."
Extremely insightful. I think you're going to be better than you ever were before....you seem to really be getting to know youSELF. =) And I admire that you seek to learn from your experiences.....truly.
I just wish all of my Friends had the calm wherewithal to learn from their failed relationships instead of jumping into new ones....that are crappier than those preceding them!!
He did a number on you, YM, but you're going to be the winner for it....I just know it....xo
YM I agree with AnOrbiter wholeheartedly! Although I think you already are the winner! I have been divorced since 1986, (yikes I hate saying that out loud!) been engaged twice in the intervening years and each time I back out I find that I did the right thing. Something just wasn' t right, could feel it in my gut. So I still think the "right one" is out there looking for me I just think its not the right time yet! So have fun being you and let the other stuff take care of itself, it will happen!! But don't let life go by as you wait! So hang in there and just be happy!
Gia
I have some really kind people reading my blog. I appreciate you all.
One of these days I won't feel compelled to blog about this subject matter. I'm looking forward to that time!
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